Road to Recovery? (closed, Cornix and Mitsuo, PM for invite)

Pain. Selfhate. Pity. Those were the only things Cora had experienced in the past few days since Auth and Renn had bailed her out of the cellar where she had been kept in.
The pain was simple to explain and by far the most pleasant out of those three. Essentially it was her whole body being in pain without almost any part that did not hurt. Her fingers though, hurt the most. Or well, the stumps hurt the most. From time to time she would lift up her hands to her face and would take a look at them. If they were wrapped up in bandages she would either take them off, or...well, she was still able to tell which ones were missing by the bit of blood soaking through the bandages. On her left hand both her ring and little finger were missing, while it was only the little one of the right hand. Everytime she remembered the fact that they had skinned one and fed the other one to her she wanted to vomit. In the beginning she still had, but she...seemed to get more used to the thought of it. Or something. She was not entirely sure about it.
The rest of her body was more or less cut up. That was not what she minded much. It had happened so often the pain was an old friend of hers. It was what had her kept alive at times. The pain, concentrating on it, feeling it, letting it fill your mind...atleast that was something she would never hate herself for. Unlike...those other...
Cora shook her head, tears filling her eyes up again. She did not want that. She did not want to think about it. Nec started again, he talked about how she should just kill herself. How it was no use still being alive. She was...she was...he did not have words for it. Sometimes he used 'worthless', 'broken', 'ruined'. The last one was particularly hurtful given her captors had used those exact words when they cut open her face. She did not want to believe it. How...was she worthless? She only asked those questions once. Nec argueing back stopped her immediatly. He was right. What was she now? She had lost all the tiny bits of dignity and self love she still had. Esspecially after Alan's death. Esspecially after his death. What was she now? Nothing. She had failed to protect Alan. And now she had failed to protect herself. She had failed everything.
Those thoughts of hers strayed off, they were inconsistent, confused because of the lack of blood. It had gotten better since they had force fed her water...but it was still not okay. She could see the nurses worried everytime they took her pulse or listened to her heart beat. But Cora did not care. It was fine by her to just go now. Who needed her anyway now? She was nothing anymore. She was not even able to stand without falling down to her knees immediatly. How would she fight? That had been her only cause in life for a while now. And...now she could not even stand.

After a day or two, after they had stitched her up completly and cleaned her up as good as she could she had had enough strength to atleast drink on her own. It was not like Cora wanted that, but it was good enough for her right now. Good enough for what she wanted to do.
It had only taken the nurse leaving the room for a moment and Cora had broken the glass as quietly as she could and had slit her forearms, elbow to wrist. It was no use in the end though. She was neither strong or dextrous enough to make a clean, straight cut, instead she did get deeper at times but it was mostly shallow.
The little additional loss of blood was still enough to make her faint almost immediatly, it was not enough to kill her though. And when Cora woke up from her little suicidal adventure, she had only gained stitches and lost a bit of strength, and also her time alone in the room. From this point onwards there was always someone that would sit in her room somewhere. Be it next to her, trying to talk to her or on the other side, reading a book.

And the talking...the talking was probably the worst. They held her hand, talked in soft voices, pitied her. It was not like Cora actually understood what they were talking. It was more like a soft white noise that played in the background the moment they opened their mouths. The pitying...the pitying just fueled into her self hate. If they looked at her with those worried facial expressions Nec started talking. Vex did as well, occassionally, but not as much. Nec was worse...he...he...reminded her, blamed her, hated her. And so did Cora.
A part of Cora hated the nurses themselves, they all resembled the one that stitched up her mouth. Worrying, pitying, but not doing anything to actually help her. Neither did any of the nurses around. Worried her. Pityied her. But they did not have the decency to slit her throat and get it over with. They did not even have to do it themselves...just handing her the knife would be enough.
It was not just a part, but her as a whole who despised any unknown man entering her chambers. She would scream and push herself against the wall, trying to get away, if he would persist in staying her hyperventilation would eventually lead to her fainting. And if he left she would still stay close to the wall, shivering and sweating for a really long time until she eventually calmed down or simply fell asleep from the exhaustion.

Cora was sitting upright in her bed, just staring onto the wall. She was not really thinking about anything, just...passing time, hoping her heart would eventually stop beating. She really was not sure what she was doing most of the time. Time just...passed...somehow.
The nurse softly grabbed her arm, "Cora...", no answer from her, "Cora...Cora...", Cora eventually turned her head towards her, looking at her with the same empty eyes with which she had 'stared' at everything the past days.
"You have a visitor. He should be here any minute."

At first, the nurses and doctors were reluctant to let Renn visit, however, his stubbornness and violent threats managed to change their mind. The Snake decided that his visit was long overdue.

He found himself standing in the doorway, somewhat hesitant to enter the room. The way Cora looked unsettled him. So defeated.
König forced the most genuine smile he could muster as he took the steps needed to reach Cora's bedside. He sat down on the nearest chair and patiently waited for Cora to have her focus on him before he started talking. His appearance seemed worn and old, unable to hide the tiredness and damage he's received.

"Hey, still kicking then? That's good. Still no clue on who's the cause behind your capture. Auth believes there was a rat or mole. I honestly don't really care for what labels he used, I just know if I find out who did this, they won't be having a nice life."

He shifted in his seat. Renn never had to console anyone and thus he wasn't really good at doing it. It also made him feel a little uncomfortable.

"Anyway, time at HQ has been hell and back. The other Alphas and your division want to know where you are. I've been using the excuse of a topmost confidential mission that you've only told me about. Of course, Driscoll and Layne didn't believe me so they've tried beating it out of me. I've also taken responsibility in keeping your division active and inline, hope you don't mind I had to beat some of them to know their place."

He took a restless breath and sighed.

"Overall, it's been fun."
A fake chuckle for reassurance.

"I hope you've been holding up well... despite... what happened."

Cora turned her head slowly towards the door. The nurse left and a male figure appeared in the door frame. She panicked, but stopped almost immediatly when she could recognize that it was Renn. He smiled. And not the pitying type either. That was good.
Renn sat down next to her, Cora mustered him. He looked worn out. Why was he? She stared at him for a bit more, but instead of mostly looking through him she actually looked at him.

He told her about the pack, as if she was just recovering from normal injuries and unable to go to work. He just talked to her as if she had been through a rough mission, just recovering from external injuries, as if all that happened was not a big deal. Cora continued staring at him, her eyes filled up with tears and it was not long before her whole face turned wet.
He just talked to her as if she was normal. It made her unbelievably happy. He did not look at her as if she was broken or ruined, just as if she had been knocked out. Nothing more.

She continued staring at him, a smile slowly forming on her face while the tears kept running down. She was normal. Not broken. Not everyone hated her. This was okay. For now this was okay. It was okay as long as neither Nec or Vex talked. She really enjoyed the silence in her head. They were not talking, they were not reminding her of what had happened. And for a split moment Cora even thought about not hating herself.

Cora blinked and dried up her face with her sleeves.
"I am sorry. I did not mean to cry.", she said quietly, her voice was rough from not having spoken and only screamed the past days.
It took her a bit before she managed to continue speaking, her mind was too scrambled to get out proper words out of her mouth, "I hope you are not beating any of my Betas. They are good at their job. Did you tell them? Do they know?"
Cora wondered if he had even seen all of them, given that esspecially one of them liked to hide and not even Cora managed to see her much. That to be said, she was the one that was the most likely to have already found out and linger around where Cora resided right now.
"How is Mortimer? Can you get him for me?", she thought about him and almost immediatly started crying again. No. No. No. No crying.
Cora held her head and got a bit of blood from her hands' bandages into her short hair. She started rocking forth and back until she had calmed down more again.

As Cora started crying Renn pressed his lips into a thin line. This was not an outcome he expected nor one he knew how to react to, so he patiently waited. Once she had regained her composure, however, it seemed Cora had a lot of questions to ask.

"No, I haven't beaten any of your Betas. I don't know them well but there is a chance they may be a bit suspicious of something being wrong but I have told everyone who's asked the same thing. You're on an important mission and won't be back for a while."

Renn withheld a yawn, the vaguest feeling of sleep was creeping up on him. He had to be wary that he didn't pass out.

"Mortimer is fine. I've asked your Betas to tend to him to make sure he's well kept. Sometimes I tend to him also, if I have the time. He doesn't seem to like me all too much so you've trained him well. I can bring him next time I visit if you want. I'm sure I can... convince... the staff to let him in."

He watched Cora start to shake as she held back tears, rocking herself for comfort like a citizen probably would seeing a titan.
Renn shuffled in his seat before leaning over and lightly embracing her in an awkward hug, sometimes patting her head to calm her.
He mentally recorder the experience and labeled it as 'probably the most awkward first hug a person could have'.

"So," he continued speaking in a whispered voice, "I bet this place has been driving you mad, huh? Unable to be active and having to stay in one place. You've probably refused to eat or drink, haven't you? You do realize that will slow your recovery, right?"
He chuckled.

"Shall I ask the nurse to get you some porridge?"

The news about Mortimer made her happy. Of course the ones about the Betas as well. But Mortimer esspecially. She was glad he told everyone the same thing, less would be known and she would just come back mutilated as if she got into a fight with a small titan that bit her fingers off instead of her whole leg. That would totally be a good excuse.

Then Renn hugged her. Cora was probably just as surprised as he himself was that he did that. Nevertheless she did not mind it. In fact, she was quite glad he hugged her. It was warm and comfortable and unlike when she felt tired normally and went to lie down in her bed to sleep, she could actually imagine sleeping like this without having nightmares. Atleast...not...as many as she usually had.

"Refusing to eat or drink?", she asked quietly, "I tried killing myself and if I would have had the strength I would have succeeded", she continued, her voice getting more quiet with every word she spoke. Cora was not sure if he had caught every thing she said.
Cora stretched her arms out and hugged Renn back, carefully trying to not get any blood on his clothing. While she knew that he did not mind blood, she was not sure whether or not he would mind it on his clothing.

She just nodded to his proposal of food. She would not be able to eat much, but she could atleast try, right? She could atleast try now, while the voices in her head were quiet. Or atleast...not concerned with her but rather with the food. Vex complained about the choice of food and said he would have prefered something with meat. A steak or something. While Nec insisted that carrots would be great right now.

Cora let Renn go and smiled at him as good as she could. "I hope you can eat a bit, cause I will not be able to finish a whole plate."

Renn grinned his toothy grin and patted Cora's head.
"Sure thing, pup. Now, let me go get you food," he spoke before getting up and walking out the door to find a nurse.

A few minutes later, König came back in the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.
"The nurse is just preparing you a bowl now, she'll bring it in when it's ready."

He proceeded to sit back down in the chair next to the bed.
"Must be strange, not having all your fingers, huh? You never really think about what it'd be like until it happens you or someone you know."
He chuckled.
"I guess this means I can't give you a high five."

"Anyway," the snake continued as he rummaged through his coat, "I got something for ya, so you don't get bored."
He managed to retrieve his gift for his fellow Alpha, one of a small book of blank pages and a few pencils.
"I know you like sketching so I figured it might help you here, as you're bed bound."
He set the gift down in front of Cora.

Cora smiled weakly as he patted her head. Once he had left the room again Nec and Vex continued talking, at first about the porridge again comparing it to other options for food before they started talking about the usual horrible accusations.

By the time he was back she had already started rocking back and forth again, trying to get them to stop.
Cora looked up to Renn a hopeful smile appeared on her face almost immediatly and with that appearing the voices stopped.
She smiled as he joked about her fingers missing, still trying to comprehend the fact she was now lacking three of hers.
Renn gave her a small book and some pencils, which she gladly accepted and took. She opened it, flipping through the pages and opened one somewhere in the dead middle.

"You know, if you don't know what to draw...you should take a page in the middle of the book rather than at the start. It helps you...be creative I suppose. Because you don't...start at the 'start'. You...start at the middle. It's not a new beginning which is more hard.", Cora stared at the page for a bit and then sketched a rather ugly and very scribbly dog on it, he was smiling and obviously a bad portrait of Mortimer. It was clear that she did not have the dexterity or possibly strength to hold the pencil properly right now.
Cora stared at the pencil for a bit, "You could just...stop me from having a new beginning right now...you know.", she whispered, "You are strong enough to just ram that pencil through my atery on the side of my neck..."
She stared at the dog, back at the pencil and eventually ended at her hand.

Cora grabbed Renn's hand and if he would allow it she would put five of her fingers against his hand. If he would not allow it she would just not hold his hand or do anything with it.
"It's a high five now!", she smiled, "I just need more hands!"
She held his hand for a bit longer, mustering it, turning it around.
"You have nice hands...they are...rather complete...", she chuckled quietly, "You could give me one and a half of yours...then we would have the same amount", she looked at Renn, forcing herself to grin slightly before stopping immediatly, turning paler and almost starting to cry again.
"They-T-They...forced me to eat mine...", she eventually managed to say with a weak voice, somehow managing to stop herself from crying, "It's all I got to...it...it was the only thing I...", she stopped and took a deep, wheezing breath, forcing herself as good as she could from bursting into tears or in another mental breakdown.
She shook her head, mumbling 'No' a few times and weakly squeezing his hand before she managed to get herself in a better mental position.
"I am good. I am fine. I will manage...", she laughed coldly, "And if not I will just kill myself after I have the strength again."

Renn let Cora mess around with his hand. What she was doing confused him but it was funny nonetheless.

That was until she had a panic attack. Renn had remained silent when Cora mentioned ending it all using the pencil as he didn't want to upset her. Now, it was too much.

Renn leaned over hugged Cora.
"Shhhh," he gently whispered, trying to comfort her.

"If you budge over, I'll sit on the the bed with you," he offered. If Cora declined, he would just remain where he was.

"I can't let you lose Cora, otherwise how else am I supposed to put up with the other Alphas?"
He chuckled, before letting it fall to silence for a while.

"I'm here, I've got you... try and get some rest... no one can hurt you now."

Cora moved over so Renn could have space on her bed. Once he sat down she carefully leaned her head on his shoulder, embracing the fact someone she knew and trusted was next to her.

She chuckled quietly at his comment about putting up with other Alphas and started wondering how she would put up with it. She would certainly have to deal with them trying to get to her, her weak side...and her now...what if they would find out about her weaknesses? Her deep trauma concerning certain parts of torture? Torture itself was trauma enough in and of itself, but...how would she ever learn to cope with...all the other horrible things they had done to her?

She sighed quietly and closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the silence in her head.

"I'm here, I've got you... try and get some rest... no one can hurt you now.", Renn said and Cora just nodded.

The door opened and a nurse entered with a small bowl of porridge, she stopped in the doorframe as if she was not sure wether or not she should leave again but decided to enter after a few seconds, handing her the bowl and a spoon.
Cora nodded as a thank you.
"Nurse, wait, before you leave, can you leave some bandages? I would like to change them myself."
She nodded quickly and put some on the chair where Renn had been sitting and left the room.

Cora moved a bit so she was seated a bit more upright and took the spoon in her right hand. She grabbed it as good as she could and with surprisingly steady hands she managed to eat a few spoons full of porridge.
She stared into her still half full bowl. "I don't think I can eat more for now...do you...want some?", she looked at Renn, "You don't have to."

If he would not take it she would put it on the chair.
Cora started unwrapping the bloody bandages from her hands. The stitches were neatly done and most certainly only continued to bleed because she had ripped them out accidentally again while taking off her bandages in a more violent way.
This time however she was careful and did not damage them further. She stared at her fingers, then at the bowl of porridge, successfully stopping herself from dry retching or flat out vomiting from the thoughts. She was fine. She had managed to eat a bit on her own. She would get through this. Cora's fingers would not be a problem. She would get over this part. Her breathing became a bit heavier as she was staring at the stubs on her hands, compensating, understanding what they did. This part of her was not broken. It was not ruined. It was different, she would survive this. She would be able to get over this.
Cora calmed down more again and started warpping her fingers, satisfied with herself.
She looked at him, "Thank you, Renn", she said quietly,"They are quiet when you are not around...", she turned her head away, "Can you...can you not leave yet? Can you stay? Please stay...I don't...", she looked back at him, her eyes were slightly watery, "Please don't leave me alone with them."

Renn gently and carefully shuffles onto the bed to sit next to Cora. He smiled gently at Cora as she leant her head on his shoulder and gave her small pats to reassure her.

The nurse came in with the porridge but took a hesitant moment to decide if she was interrupting or not, which made Renn chuckle silently.
The porridge was handed to Cora, who shifted her position so that she could eat it.
He watched her eat, alert to see if she'll try and reject the food or accidentally choke. None of that happened, however, much to his relief.

"I don't think I can eat more for now...do you...want some? You don't have to," the wolf offered to the snake.
Renn took the bowl and smiled.
"Yes, thank you," he whispered to her as he took the bowl from her hands.
He slowly started eating what was left of the porridge, trying not to show the hunger he was feeling.

When he finished the porridge, he placed the bowl and spoon down onto the chsir beside the bed. He then adjusted his position to lay down a bit more, closing his eyes to rest them. He let Cora change her bandages on her own, knowing her she wouldn't have let him help anyway. When she finished, she came back to lay next to Renn, again resting her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Renn," the female Alpha spoke quietly.

"Don't mention it," König whispered back.

"Can you...can you not leave yet? Can you stay? Please stay...I don't... Please don't leave me alone with them," her emotional begs struck Renn.

He gave a sad smile, "I'll stay as long as you want me to. Don't worry."

Cora sat up slightly, looking at Renn, a happy and grateful smile on her face. If he would allow it she would carefully move a strand of hair out of his face and run her fingers over the scar on his face. If he would not she would merely attempt it.

She looked at him a bit more, they now both had very visible scars. Cora liked to think that they were more similar to each other now. And hopefully less competitive, esspecially when it would come to pack related stuff. They not only shared the same huge scars on their backs but also the ones on their faces. Even though they were in different places. Cora smiled, "We are quite similar now, aren't we?", she said quietly and laid back down next to him. She put her head on his shoulder and rested her arm on him.

"Thank you for staying with me, Renn, thank you", her voice was quiet and almost at the verge of crying again. She gave him an awkward, one handed hug and just stayed with him, enjoying the safety she felt from being with someone she trusted. The human contact of someone who did not want to hurt her and if he would...not in ways they...had hurt her. Cora eventually released Renn, still keeping her arm on his chest but without hugging him. She shuffled her head slightly until it was in a more comfortable position and closed her eyes.
He would protect her, for now atleast. Watch out that nothing happened to her. She could finally relax for a bit, maybe not even have any nightmares. Or if so, even if she would wake up she would immedialty have someone by her side. That...was not a nurse. Those damn nurses. She could not stand them. Pitying...staring...
"Thank you for not seeing me as ruined...", Cora whispered.